


put your curse in reverse

by Sroloc_Elbisivni



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Crack Treated Seriously, De-aging, Gen, Project Freelancer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-15
Updated: 2017-03-15
Packaged: 2018-10-05 16:59:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10312910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sroloc_Elbisivni/pseuds/Sroloc_Elbisivni
Summary: “Agent Carolina,” the Director snapped out as the ramp opened. “I would be very interested in knowing exactly—”The rest of his words were drowned out by a furious, shrill shrieking from the inside of the ship.“Lemme go! Lemme go! Daddyyyyyyy!”York was the first one down the ramp, carrying a screaming small child in his arms. Wash’s best guess was that she was around two or three. Someone had scrounged up or sacrificed a spare UNSC t-shirt for her, and her head and neck were covered with fine, baby-soft, brilliant red hair.“Sir,” York said, deadpan. “The mission presented some…complications.”





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Hinn_Raven](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hinn_Raven/gifts).



> HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEPH. And coincidentally, Ruth Bader Ginsburg! But mostly Steph. I FINALLY WROTE THE THING. 
> 
> Thank you to goodluckdetective for being a wonderful last-minute beta! 
> 
> title from "The Kids Aren't Alright" because I think I'm funny. 
> 
> This is the third thing I've posted in four days I feel so goshdarned productive.

Agent Washington usually tried not to be in the hanger when other missions got back, especially when the Director was standing around.

But there was nothing much else to do right now, and besides, this was the first mission Con—CT had been allowed on in months. He wanted to be able to see her as soon as she got back.

“ _Opening external hanger doors,”_ FILSS announced.

The Director had his arms crossed, and an even deeper scowl on his face than usual. The team had been largely out of radio contact for the latter half of the mission, barely checking in with an ETA.

An ETA they were just barely on time for.

_“Air pressure stabilized. Opening internal hanger doors.”_

The Pelican glided into the docking bay and settled down by where they were standing.

Even in his suit, the Director was unruffled and still glaring. Wash tried very subtly to make himself even more unobtrusive than before. It didn’t really work in power armor.

“Agent Carolina,” the Director snapped out as the ramp opened. “I would be very interested in knowing exactly—”

The rest of his words were drowned out by a furious, shrill shrieking from the inside of the ship.

“ _Lemme go! Lemme go! Daddyyyyyyy!”_

York was the first one down the ramp, carrying a screaming small child in his arms. Wash’s best guess was that she was around two or three. Someone had scrounged up or sacrificed a spare UNSC t-shirt for her, and her head and neck were covered with fine, baby-soft, brilliant red hair.

“Sir,” York said, deadpan. “The mission presented some…complications.”

Wash was gifted the unique opportunity of seeing the Director, for once, in complete and utter shock.

“We will—we will debrief in one hour, Agents New York and Connecticut,” the Director—the only word for it was _stammered_. And then turned around and walked away.

Very, very, quickly.

“ _Daddyyyyyyyyyy!”_ Carolina’s screaming got even louder, and Wash got a sinking suspicious feeling.

But the screaming was still going on, so Wash pulled off his upper body armor as fast as he could and went to take his two-year-old team leader from York.

“You’re holding her all wrong,” he said, flatly. He had been old enough and big enough to carry Ellie by the time she was a toddler, and he still remembered the right way to balance one on a hip. The lack of body armor would probably be helpful as well.

He had a feeling the Director wasn’t going to write him up in this particular instance.

She was still screaming, and now directly in his ear, but it was shifting more towards sobs and she was clinging onto him instead of kicking and fighting.

Wash rubbed her back, trying very, very hard to ignore the awkwardness of the situation. “Shh. Shh. It’s alright. It’s fine. You’re safe. C’mon, it’s okay.”

“Daddy,” she whispered into Wash’s shoulder.

“I know. I know.” He hadn’t had to do this in a while.

She started sobbing quietly into his shoulder, and he mentally consigned the undersuit to the wash. Children were not clean criers.

Her sobs got softer and softer until she was finally asleep, head nestled against his chest.

He looked up to see York and CT both staring at him in shock.

“What?” he demanded.

“You—” York pointed and flailed. “You just—”

“She was screaming the _whole way back_ ,” CT said in a voice where the dead far overpowered the pan.

“So, it probably tired her out.”

“How do you _know_ this?” York demanded. “Are you like—a child-whisperer?”

“I have four younger sisters,” Wash muttered. “Come on, she’s going to be hungry pretty soon. Can one of you grab my armor?”

They both exchanged reluctant glances, and Wash decided to play dirty.

“If I put her down, she might start crying again…” he sing-songed.

York scrambled to grab the discarded bits of armor as Wash headed for the mess hall and tried not to chuckle.

 

* * *

 

He left her at the table while he went to go argue the servers out of things that he wouldn’t have to clean up in the middle of the night when they came out the wrong end. When he got back, York had taken off his upper armor and Delta was out.

The green hologram was hovering directly above Carolina’s head, studying her carefully where she was curled up against York’s side.

“You are sure this is the…larval form, of Agent Carolina?”

“Not a larval form, D. But yeah, pretty sure. You saw it happen.”

“She is very…small. And affectionate. And far less hostile.”

“We did share the same spaceship with her when she was screaming, right?”

“I chose to log off for that portion. I saw no reason both of us should suffer ear damage.”

“Gee, how generous.”

Wash carefully set the tray down on the table in front of her before sitting down, just as carefully.

Carolina still woke up five seconds later as Texas thumped down on the other side of the table.

“So I heard our fearless leader ended up in a mess too big for her, huh.” Tex eyed the two-year-old from behind her helmet. “Wow. Who knew the kid was ever this much of a _kid?_ ”

Carolina drew in a shaky breath, and Wash had a flash of insight.

“Tex, your helmet’s scaring her.” He blurted it out in a rush, trying not to add a _please-don’t-kill-me_ to the end.

Tex let out an extremely irritated huff, but she dutifully reached up and unclasped it, and then followed with her gloves for good measure. “Alright?”

“Momma?”

All three Freelancers froze, and stared at Carolina, who was gazing wide-eyed at Tex.

“Cr-crud.” Tex quickly censored herself. “Kid, I’m not—”

“ _Momma!”_ Carolina practically launched herself across the tabletop at Tex, heedless of the power armor.

Wash decided to do the smart thing here and chicken out. “So, um, I’m going to go find some actual clothes for her. And babyproofing stuff. Have fun.”

York’s call of “ _You’re a filthy coward, Washington!”_ followed him out of the room.

 

* * *

 

Niner had left home with the expectation that there wouldn’t be any crying babies in the military. Look how well _that_ had turned out.

She really should have kept that in mind when she went to the mess hall with the expectation that all she’d have to do was take blackmail photos.

“York, _get her off—”_

“ _Mommamommamomm—”_

“—just calm down, I’m sure—”

“ _—ommamommamommaMO—”_

“I swear to _god,_ if she doesn’t—”

“ _MOMMAMOMMAMOMMAMOMMA—”_

_“WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?”_

Niner was pleased to know that the Big Sister voice was still enough to silence a room. York, Tex, and the tiny red-headed growth clinging to Tex’s leg all shut up and stared at her.

“Well?” she demanded, crossing her arms. “I’m waiting.”

In the back of her head, Niner _really_ hoped she didn’t sound as much like her mother as she thought she did.

“Carolina’s scared of helmets and she thinks Tex is her Mom— _ow, Tex, don’t punch me for telling the truth—_ and Wash ditched us.”

“I’ll punch you whenever I want, now _get her off my leg._ ”

Carolina, still hanging tight to Tex’s power armor, let out the soft little sound Niner knew all too well preceded a sob.

“Whoa, whoa, easy there.” Niner carefully tugged off her own helmet and put it aside before kneeling down. “Hey. I’m Niner. You’re Carolina, right?”

Carolina just hugged Tex’s leg tighter until the woman growled, “ _Get on with it._ ”

The toddler just held on even tighter and hid her face.

“Geez, did neither of you have younger siblings? Babysit?”

“Did _you?”_ Tex fired back.

“I had seventeen, thank you very much.”

Carolina’s head perked up at that, and she took her face away from Tex’s leg. “Thatsa lot.”

“Hey, look at you!” Niner grinned at her. “Yeah, it is. Sixteen sisters and a brother, every one of them a pain. You got any siblings?”

“No.”

“Well, lemme tell you, they’re a pain.”

Carolina squinted suspiciously at her.

“Yeah, yeah, I said that already. Hey, Carolina, do you think you could let go of her for a minute?”

Predictably, Carolina just squeezed tighter. “Momma.”

“Don’t worry, she’s not gonna go _anywhere_.” Niner punctuated the sentence with a pointed look at Tex. “But that armor’s probably not too comfortable.”

Carolina stared at the pilot for another minute before turning big, pleading eyes on Tex. “Don’t leave?”

Tex stared back at those big green eyes for all of five seconds before sighing in defeat. “I won’t, kid. I promise.”

Carolina reluctantly let go, but kept staring up at Tex like she expected her to vanish any minute. She took a step back, then another and another until she was right next to York.

“Hey,” York said, gently, as Tex started undoing the catches around her greaves. “I’m gonna pick you up now, is that okay?”

Carolina looked up at him and then held out her arms in a familiar ‘up’ position.

York scooped her up, and it looked like he was trying to balance her on his hip, but he wasn’t supporting her weight the right way. Niner opened her mouth to correct him.

“ _Fool!”_ A tiny purple avatar appeared next to Tex’s armor, and Niner automatically reached for her gun. “You are holding her in the incorrect position!”

York yelped and almost lost his grip before he managed to catch Carolina. The little purple guy kept ranting.

“Should she incur any injury while you are responsible, I will slaughter you without hesitation!”

“ _Omega,_ ” Tex growled. “ _Go. Away.”_

“Not while such an incompetent lummox as that one has care of such an incapacitated and precious—”

“ _OMEGA.”_ Carolina flinched and hid her face in York’s shoulder at the sound of Tex’s furious voice. Niner wanted to join her. “Log. Off.”

“I will not—”

“ _Now._ ” When the little purple avatar didn’t go away, Tex moved her hand to the back of her neck threateningly. There was another moment, presumably while they had a silent exchange, and then he blinked out of existence.

“Well,” York said, adjusting his grip on Carolina. “That was weird. Tex, care to explain?”

Tex muttered something that was probably rude. “Omega. My AI.” She frowned as she unbuckled her breastplate. “He doesn’t usually come out. Or act with so few death threats.”

“He threatened to slaughter me!”

“Only the once, though. He usually does more than that whenever I’m within five feet of you.”

“…Well. Maybe he likes kids? Hey, Dee, you know anything about this?”

Delta appeared, hovering next to Carolina. “I cannot speak for Omega, Agent York. But…” he drifted a little closer to Carolina. “I also cannot deny a desire to protect and care for Agent Carolina while she is in this state.”

“Is it just that she’s a kid?”

“I could not say.” Delta flickered out as Carolina waved her hand through him before popping up further away from her arm’s reach. “Agent Carolina, I wish you would desist—”

Carolina laughed and leaned out of York’s grip to swipe at the AI’s avatar, almost overbalancing.

“Whoa!” York quickly pulled her closer. “Easy, there, tiger.”

“Green!” Her voice was so childishly delighted that Niner couldn’t keep from grinning. “Green guy!”

There was a clatter of armor on the floor as Tex pulled off her last boot. “Okay, I’ll just put this away and—”

“Down!” Carolina demanded, tugging at York. “Down, down, down!”

York put her down before Niner could warn him. Carolina ran straight for Tex and grabbed onto her leg again.

“Momma,” she said, happily.

Niner, remembering why she was there in the first place, quickly grabbed her helmet and snapped a photo.

“Uhm. Y’know, I’ll just take these to your room for you, Tex.” York scooped up Tex’s armor and skedaddled.

 

* * *

 

York didn’t come back, of course. Tex didn’t really know why she’d expected him to. Niner had begged off as well, and Wash still hadn’t come back, so she was alone in the mess with a toddler still hanging happily off her leg.

 _Kill them all,_ Omega suggested.

“Really starting to consider that,” she muttered.

Tex took a step, and then another, sort of hoping Carolina would just stop hanging on if her seat started moving. The kid just held on tighter and started giggling.

“You’re going to be even more of a pain in my ass than you usually are, aren’t you, kid.”

Carolina just beamed a toothy grin up at her.

“I’m pretty sure…” Tex muttered at she dragged her foot and the small child along the ground with every step. “That literally the one reason…humans haven’t killed…their offspring by now…is that you’re too…darn…cute.” She had to stop and frown down. “Okay, this isn’t gonna work.”

 

* * *

 

Fortunately, Carolina was willing to be carried on Tex’s hip.

“See now, isn’t this better?”

“No.”

_This is not the optimal course of action. You should return—_

Tex ignored the AI in favor of swinging Carolina up onto her shoulders and wincing at the resulting shriek of delight.

“Is this better?” she asked, right before tiny hands started tugging at her hair. “Okay, clearly not.”

“Yes!”

“Nope, not better. Let me see…”

It took about ten minutes and three hundred feet of corridor before they managed to find a position that worked for both of them.

Which was Carolina back on Tex’s foot. But her left foot this time.

“You’re definitely already a pain in my ass.”

Carolina just gave her that smile again. “We go see Daddy?”

Tex was going to kill York for doing this to her. “Um. Nope. No Daddy.”

Carolina’s eyes started getting big and suspiciously wet.

Omega sent her a satisfying image of York’s head on a spike.

“Hey! How about we go see that goofy guy from earlier? You know, with the little green buddy?”

Carolina looks extremely thoughtful for a second before ordering, “Go see green guy.”

“Your wish is my command.” Tex carefully resumed her lift-and-drag down the hallway while Omega found her York’s location.

A pair of staff walked by, obviously goggling from behind their helmets. Tex decided flipping them off would be a bad influence on Carolina and settled for a fierce glare.

 

* * *

 

Omega directed her down several hallways until they came to one with an opening door.

“—complete report on my desk in an _hour_ , Agent York. No later.”

Carolina detached herself from Tex’s leg so fast the adult staggered with the sudden absence of weight. “ _Daddy!”_

She was through the door in a flash, tackling the Director’s legs.

“Dammit, kid, what is with you and legs?” Tex ran for the door.

“I—what is the _meaning_ of—”

“Carolina, c’mere—no, no, let go, he’s not your—I’m really sorry, sir, she just—she mistook Agent Texas for her mother, too, I’m sure she just—tell you what, I’ll get her out of here.”

York hurried out of the room a minute later with Carolina in his arms making that same awful shriek as earlier and reaching back towards the room.

Tex went to go take her, hoping she could calm her down, and caught a glimpse of the Director’s face before the door slid shut.

He looked…devastated.

 

* * *

 

Carolina eventually did calm down, but not until after Tex was sure she’d gone half-deaf.

It was also after Wash had returned from his cowardly retreat, so Tex happily shoved the small child into his arms and made a definitely-not-cowardly retreat of her own to take a break. He had to blow up enough stuff that his ears were as bad as they were gonna get anyways.

All went well until she stopped by her bunk. Then, of course, she had to immediately turn around and storm towards the dining hall, weighing how useful Wash was as a child-minder versus how much she now wanted to watch the light leave his eyes.

By the time she actually reached the mess, fortunately for Wash, she had decided that she could kill him after Carolina no longer required constant watching and care.

“ _Washington._ Why. Are. There stuffed animals. In. My bunk.” She crossed her arms and pinned him with a glare.

“Because you’re the only one with a spare berth and Carolina and CT’s bunk is full of sharp dangerous things and also she likes you pleasedon’tkillme.”

He held up his hands in a calming gesture and Tex abruptly realized that _he didn’t have Carolina what could have—_

A high giggle cut through the air and Tex immediately tracked it to where—

“Is that—”

“Yup.”

“And she’s—”

“Yup.”

“And _he—_ ”

“Yup.”

Off in the corner, Maine was holding up his hands at just the right height for Carolina, sitting on the table, to play patty-cake with him.

When Carolina looked up and saw Tex, she broke out in an adorable, tiny-toothed grin and patted Maine on the face. “Down!”

Maine grumbled something.

“Down, _please_ ,” Carolina said, sounding very put-upon.

Maine nodded in satisfaction and lifted Carolina off the table, setting her on the ground.

She immediately ran over to Tex and latched onto her legs, beaming up at her. “Momma!”

“Still not your momma, kid. I’m _Tex_. Can you say that?”

“Tex.” Carolina tilted her head to the side and frowned. “You look like Momma. Where’s Momma?”

Tex blinked, and then glared at Wash because _how was she supposed to explain this to a child, dammit._

Wash ran a hand through his hair, and then said carefully, “Your mom had to…go away for a bit. She wanted us to look after you while she’s gone.”

Carolina frowned for a long second, and then said, “Kay.” She hugged Tex’s legs tighter. “I got a new friend!”

“Really?” Tex asked, looking at Maine with a raised eyebrow. He shrugged and pulled up a screen to type on.

_She wanted to play patty-cake._

“Sigma’s not with you?”

_Logged off + sulking. C’s scared of him._

Carolina, bored with the lack of attention, started pulling on Tex’s leg. “Play with me!”

Tex let herself be pulled over to the table and gave Carolina a boost so she could sit up on the bench. She tried to think of what Carolina-as-a-child might like to play with.

“Can I give her a knife?”

“ _NO!”_ Wash’s voice hit a new level of screechy and Carolina covered her ears, making a noise of complaint. “I—don’t give knives to a _child—_ ”

“All right, all _right_ ,” Tex muttered. “So what are we supposed to do with her, then?”

“I want crayons!”

 _Are there crayons on this ship?_ Maine asked.

“Carolina might know—” Wash started, and then immediately stopped.

They all stared at the small child who stared back at them and then leaned forward to pull on one of Tex’s ears. “Beep.”

“I’m starting to think we might be in trouble.”

 

* * *

 

Tex got York to “borrow” some pencils and paper from R&D for them to use. She would have liked to go herself and blow off some restlessness by sneaking around, but Carolina was getting very clingy and her face started to scrunch up every time Tex looked like she was going to leave.

So Tex dutifully sat there and let Carolina teach her a clapping game until York came in with pencils and paper.

Carolina didn’t run over to greet him, but she grabbed his hand after he put down the art supplies next to her. “Draw with me!”

“Um.” York blinked. “Okay?”

As soon as he sat down, Carolina climbed down to stand on the bench next to him and grabbed a piece of paper and a pencil, scribbling away industriously. When Tex tried to lean over to get a look, she yanked it away. “No! ‘S a surprise.”

“Okay, okay.” Tex leaned back, holding up her hands.

Wash wandered off again, after pausing to hiss “no knives” at Tex, but Maine stayed to watch. He was grinning, amused.

“I’m glad _you’re_ having fun,” Tex muttered at him.

Maine shrugged. _Haven’t been around a lot of kids lately._ His grin took on a snarky turn. _More than you, though._

Tex scowled and opened her mouth to argue, because she’d been around kids _plenty—_

And then she stopped and closed it, because when she tried to remember being around children…she couldn’t.

“I…” She rubbed her temple. “I don’t remember.”

Maine’s smirk changed into a concerned frown. Before he could ask anything, though, Carolina cried out, “Done!” She threw down the pencil and pushed it at Tex. “You c’n look now.”

Tex studied the paper. The picture was drawn in squiggly, jagged lines, and she wasn’t sure what to make of it.

She thought the three lines with circles on top and more lines sticking out the sides were people. There were two tall ones, one with circles on its face for glasses and one with a cluster of long scribbly lines coming out of the back of its head. Between them was the short one, with a large curving smile on its face and two lines sticking up to grab the lines sticking down from the tall people. To the left of the one with glasses was what could charitably be called a blob.

“That’s me, and that’s Momma—” Carolina pointed at the one with the long scribbly lines. “—and that’s Daddy, and _that’s_ Ida.”

“Ida?”

Carolina gave her what Tex thought would be a pretty good withering look once she lost her baby fat. “The dog.”

“Ohhhhhhhh,” Tex said, like that explained everything. York looked like he was trying not to burst out laughing.

Carolina looked down at her picture and her bottom lip started to wobble. “Is Daddy mad at me?”

“What? No, of course not,” York said. “I’m sure your dad loves you.”

“Didn’t wanna see me.” She looked up at Tex and her eyes were wide and wet. “I do something bad? ’S that why he’s mad at me?”

“Shit,” Tex muttered, and then “shoot,” when York gave her a scandalized look.

“Kid, no, it’s—you know how I look like your mom, but I’m not your mom? That’s who that guy is. He just…looks like your dad.”

“Well, that’s weird to think about,” York muttered.

Carolina stomped her foot. “No! Is him, it is!”

Maine stood up and left, sensing an imminent tantrum.

Tex glared at York, trying to project “leave and I’ll kill you” with her eyes.

It must have worked, because he held up his hands and stayed right where he was. “Carolina, it’s not—”

She started crying again and Tex buried her face in her hands.

“I—” York rubbed his face. “Carolina, do you—do you want to draw some more?” There was very little hope in his voice.

“No!”

Tex weighed the pros and cons of waking up Omega for ideas. Pros: he might have an idea and the idea would probably involve her getting to hit something. Cons: she didn’t think that would work.

Delta’s hologram blinked up over the table. “Agent Carolina. Please calm down.” Carolina did not calm down. Carolina cried harder.

Tex sighed, and then reached out carefully for Carolina. “Look, kid—”

Carolina practically flung herself into Tex’s arms, grabbing onto her neck and sobbing directly in her ear. Omega woke up and demanded to know why Carolina was crying and if they could kill the person who had upset her. Tex’s head started to hurt.

York, very unhelpfully, looked at the picture Carolina had left on the table and said, “You know, it does kind of look like the Director.”

It was at this point Wash came back, wearing all his armor except his helmet, looked at Carolina, and said, “Naptime.”

“For her or me?”

 

* * *

 

Carolina had mostly cried herself out by the time Tex had carried her all the way back to her room. Or, well, _their_ room now.

She had to admit Wash had a point about keeping Carolina away from sharp things after seeing that drawing. Clearly, coordination wasn’t going to be their leader’s strong point for a while.

As soon as Tex closed the door and tried putting Carolina down on the bunk that had a couple of stuffed animals and a bright blue blanket covered with dragons on it—and seriously, _where_ had Wash found those—Carolina immediately grabbed on tighter to Tex and woke all the way up again. “Don’t wanna take a nap!”

She was clearly ready to fight about this, so Tex just sighed and said, “Fine. You don’t have to take a nap.”

“Really?” Carolina looked up at her suspiciously.

“Really. Do whatever the he—ck you want.” This time, when Tex tried putting her down on the floor, Carolina let go. “But I’m taking a nap.”

“Ewwwww.” Carolina made a face. “Boring.”

Boring sounded pretty good right now.

Tex flopped down on her own bunk and put her arm over her eyes. Omega had logged off again somewhere on the walk from the cafeteria, which had helped a bit, but her head was still pounding.

As far as she could remember, all her knives were still locked up, and Carolina was definitely too short to reach the door. Her armor was too heavy for a child to get off the stand. She could entertain herself for a bit and Tex could have a break.

Of course, it couldn’t be that easy.

There was a patter of feet, and then a tiny hand patting at Tex’s arm on the edge of the bunk. “What’re you doing?”

“I’m taking a nap,” Tex told her.

“Why?”

“Because I’m tired.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re exhausting.”

She was very quiet for a moment. “Is that why daddy’s mad at me?”

Tex did not enlist to deal with the insecurities of small children. Why was this her life?

“Okay.” Tex turned over in her bunk with a groan so she could look Carolina in the eye. “Whether or not he is your dad—”

“He is!”

Tex let that pass. She thought very hard about the right way to explain it. “If he’s mad at you, it’s his problem, not yours. Okay? You haven’t done anything wrong.”

“But he’s mad at me?”

Tex let out a long sigh and gave up trying to explain. “No. He’s not mad at you.”

“Then why didn’t he wanna see me?”

For lack of other options, Tex went with total honesty. “I don’t know, kid.”

Carolina seemed to be out of questions for now. She turned around and wandered over to the empty bunk, so Tex closed her eyes and tried to get to sleep.

Within thirty seconds, there was a small hand patting her face. “Move over.”

“Say please,” Tex mumbled, remembering what Maine had done.

“Please.”

Tex scooted over, closer to the wall, and felt the mattress shift as Carolina scrambled up next to her.

When a hand patted her face, she cracked an eyelid and saw Carolina clutching the corner of the dragon blanket. “Help.”

Tex stared blankly at her until she made a face and said “Please.” She poked the corner of the blanket in Tex’s face.

Tex grabbed it and sat up, pulling the blanket up until it was fully on her bunk. Carolina climbed over her to settle on the other side, in between Tex and the wall.

Tex just sighed, shifted the dragon blanket until it was less likely to fall off the bed, closed her eyes, and focused on the warmth of Carolina’s tiny body pressed up against her until she fell asleep.

* * *

 

Lieutenant Bradley had, for once, been having a pretty good day. Being one of the only non-specialists on a ship that was nothing _but_ specialists usually didn’t have a lot of good days, because you ended up with all the grunt work no one else wanted to do. But today, Four Seven Niner had been hauled in for an audit or testing or something so she and Lieutenant Nguyen got to hang around in the cargo bay and “supervise” and really just shoot the shit until lunch.

After lunch, though, Niner added a message to the non-agent-personnel groupchat that she had something worth cashing _all_ her weird-mission-shit money from the pool. Bradley sent back _pics or it didn’t happen_.

Niner responded ten minutes later with a picture of a toddler latched onto Agent Texas’s leg.

“How the hell did they get clearance to bring back a kid?” Bradley wondered.

Nguyen shrugged. “Not really our problem, is it?”

“I guess.”

And then they got orders to babyproof the ship.

“…how are we supposed to babyproof a military vessel?”

 

* * *

 

Tex woke up to the clanking sound of someone knocking on her door.

Her mouth was sour, her head was fuzzy, and there was something warm pressed up against her side. Something made her hold very, very still until she figured out what was going on.

There was a soft sigh and Carolina— _now_ Tex remembered—burrowed further into Tex’s side.

Tex carefully extricated herself from the toddler and went to open the door.

York was on the other side, a bundle in his arms. “Someone finally tracked down some real clothes for Carolina. And I figured you wouldn’t want to miss dinner.”

Tex muzzily grabbed the bundle and shut the door in his face, walking over to shake Carolina. “Kid. C’mon, kid, get up.”

Carolina made an upset noise and retreated into the blankets. Tex sighed.

“You don’t want to take a nap, you don’t want to get up…work with me here, kid.”

Omega decided he wanted to be part of the proceedings again, and projected himself so he could stand on the pillow next to Carolina’s head. “Child. You are growing and require sustenance.”

“Go ‘way.”

Tex rolled her eyes, grabbed the dragon blanket and yanked it off. Carolina made a very upset noise.

“Yeah, you’re not getting out of this one.”

 

* * *

 

It took some persuasion and trickery, but Tex finally got Carolina dressed, out the door, and under York’s supervision because she needed a break.

She managed to get to the cafeteria before they did. The rest of the squad was there, which was usually something Tex tried to avoid, but she had no idea when the next time she’d get to eat was.

_< Kill them all.>_

_< You shut up.>_

Tex veered through the line to grab a tray of food, and then hesitated, not sure where to go. All the Freelancers were at the same two tables, spread out enough that there was no one seat far away from everyone else where she could go to eat.

CT looked up from her seat and made eye contact, then carefully shifted her tray to make it obvious that there was an empty seat across from her. Tex took the obvious invitation immediately before she could think about whether it was a bad idea or not.

Omega suggested that CT would be an excellent asset in disposing of everyone else. Tex told him where he could shove it.

Tex had just sat down when murmurs went up. CT made a funny choked sound and slapped a hand over her mouth, so Tex turned around to look.

York was standing in the doorway of the cafeteria, reaching down to hold Carolina’s hand, who was reaching down on the other side to hold the hand of Delta’s holoprojection.

Tex’s lips twitched.

Delta poofed out of sight, and Carolina huddled closer to York’s legs, almost like she was coming over shy, but she moved forward when he started walking.

Wash was sitting at the other table with a space open next to him, so York brought Carolina there and then went to get a tray.

Wyoming and Florida, neither of them bothering to be subtle, slid down the bench to get a better look at her. Carolina climbed up on the bench and stared at both of them right back.

“He looks funny.” She pointed at Wyoming, and Wash absently pushed her hand down.

“Pointing is rude.”

Wyoming twirled his mustache. “I will have you know, my dear girl, that this is considered the _height_ of elegance.”

Carolina frowned at him like she didn’t believe him.

“Hey there. My name’s Florida. What—”

“Don’t,” Wash warned him. “That’s not fair.”

Florida gave him an innocent look. “I was just going to ask what age she was.”

Carolina frowned harder at him. “I’m two.”

Tex turned back to her meal, because clearly Wash deserved to deal with this after abandoning her earlier.

Wyoming and Florida didn’t try to ask her any more questions, and Tex heard York come back a few minutes later.

Tex had almost gotten all the way through her dinner when a little voice piped up “Don’t _like_ peas.”

Tex saw CT lean to look around her to where Carolina was eating and wince.

They made eye contact and CT gave a little jerk of her head, clearly indicating that it was time to go.

Tex didn’t need to be told twice.

 

* * *

 

South left the cafeteria as soon as it sounded like their tiny glorious leader was about to break out in a tantrum. Which, it wasn’t like South couldn’t sympathize, because she also spent a lot of time feeling like she wanted to break down screaming and crying. South was just too old to get away with it.

The rec room was empty when she got there, which meant South got prime control of the TV. Service was never great, and she’d seen every single movie at least twenty times because they were the same movies stocked on all UNSC bases, but she managed to find a marathon of some really old show where they built things and then blew them up, which was _totally_ up her alley.

She got a whole half an hour all to herself before the door opened and let in a small Carolina. No one was behind her.

“Great,” South muttered, sinking further down into the couch. “I was here first.” Carolina just came closer. “So if you start screaming, you’re leaving.” Carolina came right up to the couch, still staring at the TV. “Headfirst!” South added, a little bit nervous.

“Mythbusters!” Carolina cried, pointing at the logo falling across the screen as the show went to commercial break. As soon as an ad for some useless cleaning product came up, Carolina turned around to face the couch and started climbing up.

She almost slipped, and South reached out to pull her up, because if she fell and hurt herself North would be a pain in the ass. And York would probably do something to her bed.

“I can do it!” Carolina said loudly.

“Okay, okay.” South settled back into the couch and watched the two-year-old scale it until she was on top looking very pleased with herself.

She peered up at South, until South got nervous again and snapped, “What?”

“You’re pretty,” Carolina told her, and then the show came back on and she immediately zeroed in on where the guy with the mustache was doing something with a drill.

“Why am I not surprised that this is the kind of thing you liked as a kid?” South asked the empty air.

“Shhhh!”

By the time York came careening through the door, out of breath and a wild look in his eyes, Carolina had cuddled up against South and was chewing on one of her own fingers.

He leaned against the door and stared as something blew up and Carolina laughed and clapped. “Again!”

“What?” South snapped at him. “Either say something or go away, this is the good part.”

 

* * *

 

York ended up doing both, extracting a promise from South that she wouldn’t let Carolina wander off and get hurt and then going to take a nap.

Delta woke him up promptly ninety minutes later, as soon as he’d made it through one full REM cycle. York took another half an hour to write out a full tech report on everything the two of them could remember, trying to get the details of the weird device that had done this to Carolina exactly right. He had no idea what the odds of the deaging wearing off on its own were, and for once, neither did Delta. York just knew that Carolina would _not_ be happy being stuck like this forever.

Then again…if she was stuck like this forever, she would never realize that she wouldn’t be happy to be stuck like this forever.

York decided not to think about it anymore and made sure to note down that the beam had been yellow. In case the color had any impact on what it did.

When the report was done and submitted, he went looking for Tex. Which meant he went to the training room overlook.

He found her sparring with CT. The floor was set to CT’s favorite setting, with randomized raised platforms and plenty of shadows to duck and dodge. He could see three forms moving through it—CT must have been using her enhancement—but when Tex tackled one of them, it didn’t dissipate.

He couldn’t hear what they said, but when he knocked on the glass, they looked up and CT flicked an acknowledgment.

“What is it?” Tex asked after they’d both gotten off the training ground. CT lurked in the back.

“Just wanted to let you know I was planning to put Carolina to bed soon. Do you want your room to yourself for a bit?”

She paused and then shook her head. “Nah, I’m good. Just let me put away my armor and I’ll meet you.”

“You don’t want to take a shower first?” CT asked.

“Why would I do that?”

“You just chased me around the training floor for an hour. Aren’t you sweaty?”

“No…?”

“So, I’ll meet you in your room in fifteen minutes?” York cut in, before CT could ask any more questions.

“Sure.”

After she left, York and CT traded a look that reminded him of the conversations they used to have about conspiracy theories.

“Could be new special forces tech?”

“Maybe.”

“Alright, what’s your theory?”

“…Robot?”

 

* * *

 

When York went to get Carolina, she was still with South watching Mythbusters.

“Should…she be watching that?”

“She already knew what it was.”

“Okay, then. Hey, Carolina, ready to go?”

Carolina yawned. “No.”

Delta popped out. “Agent Carolina, it is time for you to go to bed.”

“Don’t wanna!”

“Too bad, you have to.”

“Want Roly!”

“What the hell is a ‘Roly’?” South asked, extricating herself from the couch warily.

* * *

 Half an hour later, when Carolina had worked up to a screaming fit and was absolutely refusing to go within five feet of Tex’s room, that was what everyone else wanted to know as well.

“Make it stop. Make it _stop_.” The AI were taking it in shifts to worry over Carolina in person—well, in holographic projection form—and Theta had been holding his hands over his ears for all of his turn.

“Trust me, we’d _love_ to,” South gritted out.

Theta vanished, and Sigma appeared. Carolina’s screaming hit another decibel. Sigma vanished.

Omega appeared. “Fools! Clearly, she requires some sort of comforting item. Like a pacifier. Or a sword!”

“We are _not giving_ —wait.” Wash pulled his hand away from his head. “Comforting item. I bet you anything Roly’s a stuffed animal, or a blanket, or _something_.”

“Like Mr. Wuffles?” South muttered. North elbowed her.

“We agreed not to mention that. Ever.”

“Well, we’re screwed,” Niner decided.

“Why? Wash found stuffed animals on this ship, God knows how,” Tex pointed out. “Just go grab one of those, tell her that’s what it is.”

“Yeah, that’s not going to work. Didn’t you have a stuffed animal as a kid? Or know a kid who did? Take it from the person with sixteen siblings—the stuffie is _sacred_. There can only be one.”

“And Carolina’s probably got thrown out years ago.”

Eyes turned toward CT, who held up her hands. “I have looked through our entire bunk and there is nothing there it could be.”

“You’re sure?”

“Very.”

Omega was replaced by Delta, who leaned closer to Carolina and passed a hand through her nose. She was quiet for a whole second and then started crying. Loudly.

Everyone groaned. Loudly. York thought he saw the lights dim for just a second.

Delta traded places with Theta again, and then spoke up in York’s head. _< York. You are being summoned to the Director’s office_.>

< _Can’t it_ wait _? >_

The loudspeaker crackled with the Director’s voice. _“Agent York. Please report to my office, immediately.”_

< _I do not believe it can._ >

York set off at a run.

When he got to the office, ever so slightly out of breath, the door slid open. York approached with caution.

It was very anti-climactic, to be honest. The Director was facing away from the door, and the center of the desk was cleared except for

…a stuffed platypus.

Delta had to pop out and check that York’s lack of depth perception wasn’t causing problems again, but no, that really was a stuffed platypus on the edge of the desk. York approached, cautiously.

“Sir?” When he reached out and nothing happened, he picked it up. It was small, smaller than his arm, and the kind of soft that only came from years of use with the fuzz worn almost transparent in places. The beans it was stuffed with shifted audibly in his grip, and he saw the Director’s spine stiffen.

“That will be all, Agent York.”

As York turned around to go, he thought he saw the edge of a sheet of scribbled-on paper sticking out of the piles of stuff on the desk, but he didn’t dare stop to look. He ran back the way he had come, mind moving even faster than his legs.

As soon as Carolina saw the stuffed platypus, she immediately cut off screaming to shout “ROLY!” and grab for it.

She cuddled into the toy with a happy sigh. The rest of the Freelancers and Niner all stared at York.

“Okay. We go bed now.”

* * *

 

Tex was the one who put Carolina to bed, in the opposite bunk, and then announced—quietly—that she was going to sleep as well.

That left the rest of them to gather in the rec room and stare at each other in silence for a bit.

“Did he really…” North didn’t seem to know how to finish that sentence.

“Yes.” York flicked a pencil against his knee. “He gave it to me.”

CT was especially silent, her eyes dark.

Sigma spoke up for Maine. “Earlier, Agent Texas compared Agent Carolina’s mistaking her for her mother to her mistaking the Director for her father.”

“Yes. She did.”

“But if there is evidence…” Sigma also didn’t seem to know how to finish that sentence.

“Wow,” South muttered. “No wonder she’s so wound up all the time.”

Florida shook his head. “And I thought I had daddy issues.”

“No one needed to hear that,” North said, flatly.

“Yes, what happens in our bunk is private business.” Wyoming’s tone had very little heart.

“No one needed to hear _that_ ,” Wash muttered.

“This is a fucked up situation,” Niner announced. “Who has alcohol?”

“Not in here.”

“New theory,” York told CT. “Cloning.”

CT pulled off her helmet and studied it a minute. She looked up, glancing to each of them in turn, and then looked back down, staring into the outside of her lenses as though they could give her an answer.

She looked like she was making a decision.

“About that,” she said, slowly. “I have something to tell you.”

 

* * *

 

Tex woke up abruptly in the middle of the night.

There was no one else in her bunk, but there was the sound of someone talking, and the faint glow of a screen against the ceiling.

When she sat up on her berth for a better look, Carolina was curled up in her bed, hand pressed against a video screened against the wall. Tex squinted at it.

 _“And don’t worry, you’ll see me again_.” Tex had never heard that voice before, but as her vision adjusted from sleep, she woke up all the way with a shock.

That was her face. That wasn’t her voice, but that was _her goddamn face_.

A little figure made of white light appeared next to Carolina’s head. It looked like an AI, but none of the AI were that color. Tex stood up.

The white light blinked out immediately. The video played for a few more seconds, and then cut off.

Tex moved to check on Carolina, eyes just barely making out the tiny hand patting futilely against the wall in the dark.

“Momma?” Carolina whispered, a scratchy question. She was still half asleep—it was easy to make her lie down again and cover her up with the blanket. There was a little sigh before she fell back into a pattern of heavy breathing.

Tex sat back on her own bunk and stared at Carolina sleeping.

“What the hell is going on here?” Tex asked into the darkness.

 

* * *

 

_Three months later_

 

“This is the worst-researched book on alien tech ever. Of all time.” Wash closed the book with a loud _snap_.

“Like you’ve read so many of those,” Tex jabbed. She was on news reports this trip, flipping through the public database as cover while Omega checked military records to see if anyone had tracked them yet.

“Recently? I have.”

“ _You’re_ the one who didn’t want to read obscure law books,” York pointed out. “Wait, I think I found—nope, nevermind, it got overruled later.”

“No, I’m serious, I’m pretty sure this guy was using sci-fi as a reference. I’ve never even—oh.”

North snorted as he flipped through his own dense book. “You think by now you’d know to check the pub date, Wash.”

“Shut up.”

They had it down to a routine by now. Any time they were in a city big enough to have a decent library, they’d set aside their last half a day to take over a reading room and do mass research. Pick a big enough planet, or a university town, and their data would just get lost in the shuffle, especially if they were using paper books instead of electronic records.

It made for slower going sometimes, but not being traceable was a higher priority. The UNSC didn’t look at all kindly on defectors, and Freelancer’s star hadn’t fallen enough to take away all their clout. The hunt was most definitely on, and none of them liked being on this side of it. That’s why Niner was still watching the ship and Wyoming and Florida were tracking down extra supplies and weapons before takeoff later.

Today, they were focusing on building a case for Alpha, to try and bring to the UNSC. If they could find a way to do it that would make it look like they were trying to _avoid_ committing treason instead of willfully going MIA, that would be a bonus, but they’d settle for getting the Director locked up for the rest of his life. York was tackling older AI laws for some kind of precedent, Connie was building on the research she’d done finding about Alpha in the first place to read up on recent AI theory, and North was looking into child abuse and neglect to see if they could argue a technicality there. Also to see if they could open a case that would be decades old, if it had ever been looked into at all. Maine and Sigma were taking notes, collecting everything in one place while Sigma tried to formulate a strategy.

“Got a reference to the early days of AI,” Connie called out. “York, do you know anything about—” she blinked and had to read it two more times to convince herself she wasn’t seeing things. “Skynet protocols?” She looked up from her book to give him a dead-eyed stare. “I wish I was joking.”

He rubbed the left side of his face, around his scar tissue. “Maybe? Delta would—” he looked around. “Delta?”

Connie also tried to spot the green AI, and couldn’t. As a matter of fact, she couldn’t see any of the AI at their table, even though they were _supposed_ to be helping.

North and Tex looked up as well, but it was Wash who snorted and pointed across the room.

South was sitting on the couch, reading to Carolina because she had announced that if she had to look at any more law books she was going to kill someone the next time they landed. If Connie focused, she could pick up on the words.

“They ate Anzac biscuits in Adelaide, mornay and Minties in Melbourne, steak and salad in Sydney, and pumpkin scones in Brisbane. Hush remained invisible.” South pitched her voice to sound old and creaky. “‘Don’t lose heart!’ said Grandma Poss. ‘Let’s see what we can find in Darwin.’”

All around the two of them, the AI had congregated, little spots of color against the brown couch. Alpha was sitting right next to Carolina, peering at the book. Theta was on South’s shoulder, swinging his feet and looking down. Sigma and Delta were standing on the back of the couch while Omega stretched out on South’s other side.

While Carolina turned the page, South looked up at where they had stopped talking.

“What?”

Connie heard the _click_ as Maine snapped a picture. South scowled at them, but it didn’t have much heat.

Carolina patted her arm. “Keep going.”

South sighed, tremendously put-upon, but went back to the book. “It was there, in the far north of Australia, that they found a Vegemite sandwich…”

Connie turned back to the table, grinning down at her book. Somehow, this wasn't how had figured she would end up breaking away from Freelancer.

“I think I found something,” Wash said, tapping his new book. “The xenoarcheological department at the local university puts out a list of all planets where the UNSC found alien tech while checking it out. One of them’s pretty close.”

“Really? Where?”

“Says…Blood Gulch.”

Maine gave a thumbs-up after he added it to the list, and Connie dug back into her research.

This really wasn’t how she had figured she would end up breaking away from Freelancer, but she liked how it had worked out anyways.

**Author's Note:**

> The book South's reading is [Possum Magic](http://memfox.com/books/possum-magic/) by Mem Fox. It is wonderful and adorable and the drawings are beautiful and you should absolutely go find it. 
> 
> So [ I've deaged badass ladies before for Batfam](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5477612) and had a ton of fun with it. I think I've found a niche. 
> 
> In terms of accuracy to age--I am assuming Carolina to be in her late (and rather precocious) twos. I tried to mentally check her behavior against that of the two-year-olds at the preschool i used to work at, but that was five years ago and my memories are rusty.
> 
> I actually floated this idea in a skype chat and wrote the first..eh, 2000 words and general plot ideas a few months back? And then when I was trying to figure out what Steph would most like to receive I looked at all the aus and thought "now which one can I use to drag the Director the most?" 
> 
> If anyone's wondering about the mention of Wash's younger siblings--[just start here.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5966785)
> 
> No current plans to write it because my life is a mess, but yes, they go to Blood Gulch and collect the Reds and Blues because this wouldn't be complete without them. And yes, Carolina reverts back to her original age eventually, when no one's expecting it, and is very confused why she's in a tiny bunk full of fairy lights with her platypus from when she was a kid. And yes, things are very awkward for a while and the sim troopers are never properly terrified of her again because they've seen her as a toddler covering Maine's face with peanut butter.


End file.
